The Kracken!

I have my own car now (The Kracken) and I have to say that I'm really enjoying the freedom. When I was diagnosed with RA at age 9 driving in the future was definitely a concern. I'm finding though that I'm not having any issues at all. In fact I'm feeling better driving. Maybe it's because I can just pick up and go to the mall to grab something, or run to the store and pick up a missing ingredient for dinner without having to wait for Johnny. No more getting soaked walking at a bus stop. No more freezing as the 97 runs late. It has really taken a lot of stress off me and I'm generally feeling better, mentally and physically.

10 Things Never Said

10 Things Isabella never says:

10 - I think I have enough toys.

9 - I love what you're cooking for dinner.

8 - I've made quite the mess, I should clean up.

7 - I am an only child, I probably shouldn't lie about who did this.

6 - Wow it's getting late, I should be in bed.

5 - I value your privacy mom, I will let you pee alone.

4 - I woke up 6 this morning, I'll play quietly by myself.

3 - This outfit is perfect and I'm going to stay in it all day.

2 - I trust your reasoning and won't argue.

1 - You're sore and just sat down, now is the perfect time to ask for a drink and snack.

Big Baby

Am I the only one who tears up when my kid does?

Not every time, but when she has those sad eyes and you know the waterworks aren’t far behind I can’t help but follow along. Like when Sassy and Chance ran home and Shadow wasn’t right behind them, or when Santa Paws didn’t have anywhere to go. I just can’t that sad little face and uncontrollable emotions. Come to think of it her emotional breakdowns are directly related to animals.

Oh, Dear God. I’ve created a mini-me.

I recall Gram telling a story of a dog who was hit and killed by a car and they never found the owners. I broke down and was hysterical thinking of some poor child waiting by the window for Skippy to come home.

What a baby! 

Tug-of-war

How many other moms out there have string all over their floors? Show of hands.

Why oh why do we insist on spending money on rope toys for the dogs? They’ll play tug-of-war and then just as soon as it starts, it stops. Tucker runs off with the rope and rips it into tiny shreds that are scattered all over the house. I will admit right now that it’s Sunday afternoon while I’m writing this and there is still string on the floor from Friday. I’m not ashamed of being lazy. I have 2 part-time jobs, 2 home businesses, 1 kid, 2 dogs. 

The carpet can wait. 

Just don’t show up unannounced, or I will be mortified.

No Sympathy

I have spent the last 20 years in pain, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. I think this why I have little to no sympathy for other people, even my own kid. He other day at school she pulled the classroom play kitchen over onto herself and the school called to let me know. When I got to the school at 3 to pick her up her teacher made it sound quite serious and I just said “okay.” The teacher looked a little puzzled.

Should I have raced over to her and scooped her in my arms and kissed her head better?

She seemed okay to me so no need to make a big deal out of it right?

Am I harming her by not exaggerating every scrape into a monumental “Mom will make it all better” moment?

Ahhhh... I doubt it.

Talent

Isabella is a singer... all the time.

Every... painful... moment.

I want to encourage her, I really do but somewhere in here I have to stop it and let my headache go away. We are always listening to music, in the car, on her stereo in her room, or on the tv. The problem is that she sings like she talks: repeating the same thing over and over, and then over again. I can’t take it. After a few minutes I have to walk away or ask her to stop. And then it's quiet, and peaceful  This only lasts a minute or two before she starts back up again. “I got lipstick on my eyes, stockings ripped all up the side... I got lipstick on my eyes, stockings ripped all up the side... I got lip...” You get the idea. I love my daughter but maybe we should push the dance classes a little more?

Jealousy

I am certainly not one of those people who had to be the best. I didn’t care about competitions when I was in school and even after that for that matter. When it comes to Isabella I find that I’m quite competitive and even jealous. Not of other kids because let’s be honest Isabella is the shit. I am jealous of Johnny. Isabella is the spitting image of him. When she was really little their infant pictures were indistinguishable. I am quite pale with dirty blond hair, always had blotchy skin, and blue eyes. Isabella doesn’t look a single thing like me. I can’t help but feel that I’ve lost some sort of gene race. People always ask if I’m her babysitter and respond with a puzzled glance when I say she’s my daughter. What if the next one is all me and we have to have to keep reassuring them that neither are adopted?

Letter to Isabella

Your future is limitless. I am, and always will be here for you, to encourage you, to support you, and to love you. I will teach you that the smart girls get further in life than the slutty ones. I will show you that it’s okay to spend your Friday night at home reading a good book. I will teach you about douche bags and how to avoid them at all cost. I will encourage you to learn what a doormat is and to let yourself become one, you are more valuable than you will ever know. I will show you to accept, and embrace the hand that you have been dealt. I will encourage you to talk and never hide your feelings away. I will teach you early on about bullies and show why they are unacceptable. You have a right to be happy and your dad and I will do everything in our power to make sure you always are.

5 Year Olds Are Jerks

I’ve come to realize that my beautiful, precious, little girl is a jerk. She doesn’t have that “shut up” filter that we as adults possess. While this may seem cute to others I’m not so keen on hearing the truth from the mouth of a child. “Mommy you’re getting fat” aww why thank you, you little brat. That’s exactly what I needed to hear as I stuff my face with some Ikea dark chocolate. “You need to vacuum more” well maybe if you didn’t pour your toys and crap all over the floor I wouldn’t have to vacuum as much. “I don’t want what you’re cooking” do you ever? I mean ever? Unless it’s good old KD I know we’re going to fight about food, so just shut it and eat what I put on your plate. Most people would keep their traps shut in instances like these, but not a 5 year old.