Part 7 - Babies

Well Isabella turned 5 on the 26^th. At first I was thrilled that my little girl was growing up, but then the reality of our life right now set in. After nearly a year and a half of trying with no success I started worrying that she’ll be my only baby. I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet, but what if Isabella was a miracle baby and that’s it for us? I don’t know that I’d ever be able to accept that as a conclusion to our family. One kid: that seems outrageous to me coming from a family of 3 kids and growing up with dozens and dozens of cousins. The really hard part is when it seems like everyone around you is having babies. Family and friends all updating statuses on facebook about how far along they are, when they’re due, what symptoms they’re having. I sit at home and read these and feel guilty, angry at life, and sad. What if it’s Johnny? What if it’s me? What if it’s my meds or Arthritis? While I’m working hard on trying not to stress about it, another month goes by, and then another.

Part 6 - The great debate

I am a firm believer in spanking, and I will stand up and preach it until I’m blue in the face. Let’s get off on the right track though; there's a fine line between spanking and abusing. I can count the number of times I've had to spank Isabella by just using my hands (no toes needed). 
I have one of the most thoughtful, caring, kind, and respectful kids I know. I’m really not bragging but we are constantly told by other people how good she is. Upon picking her up from the Ikea play place I was told she was the most well behaved kid the lady had ever seen. Her teacher has also told us how well she’s doing at school, she always helps the other kids and never does anything she’s not supposed to. A friend and former nanny can’t get over how well behaved she is. I chalk this up to having such awesome parents... and to spanking! With a quick spank on the bum we have let her know that a behavior is either unacceptable or dangerous. It lets her know that we’re serious and that there are consequences for her actions. While we are pretty laid back parents and she does get away with A LOT, being disrespectful to anyone is a huge no no in our house. We have never let her get away with hitting, kicking, or screaming at anyone for any reason. While some may call me a bad mother for ever laying a hand to my child, others have offered to follow me around with a clipboard taking notes. All I need to do is spend 10 minutes with her to know that the way we parent has turned out an amazing little girl!

Part 5 - A little of me

Here’s a little about me... medically speaking. I have Polyarticular Rheumatoid Arthritis, the polyarticular is just a fancy way of saying that I have the disease in more than 5 joints. I actually have it in nearly every single joint though luckily not in my back. I was diagnosed when I was 10 years old after I had suffered the symptoms for the previous 2 years. I've lived every single day since then with moderate to severe pain.

I’m sure there are days when my husband feels more like a caregiver than anything else. I know this has to be frustrating at times for him, not fully understanding what’s happening to me on days when I can’t walk or dress myself. This is nothing new for me, waking up one day feeling like I can do anything and then waking up the next day asking my 4 year old to help me walk a few steps. I went through depression in high school, through the “why me” phase until I realized that there may never be a cure or amazing treatment in my lifetime. I have so many hopes for my life and I can’t let the pain ruin them. One of those hopes is for my family, to have my children, and for Johnny and I to get old together watching them grow.

Part 4 - Winning a losing battle

I read a little about Amanda Todd, a 15 year old girl who was cyber-stalked, and plain old fashion bullied by her peers. After posting a video on you tube about it she ending up taking her own life. My heart breaks for her and her family as I look at my own little girl. I think about our parenting style (which is very carefree). I hope that this gives us a mutual respect and understanding in life. I want Bells to understand that bullying is not tolerated and on the other end of that coin being bullied is just as unacceptable.  I hope that we raise her to continue to be that carefree spirit who stays as accepting as she is now. I hope that she continues to talk, some days it feels like she doesn't stop but this gives us a great glance as her personal life at school, at dance, at soccer, and at home. She always shares her feelings, and I hope that’s something that she always does. I don’t ever want her to feel embarrassed about seeking help. So far so good, but let’s hope more parents take action early on and nip this bullying this in the bud!

Part 3 - Supermom

This was a super rough week, with Johnny in Regina from Monday to Saturday I was super mom, although I’ll brag that I’m always super mom. I have 2 part time jobs, on top of my own home business. At home I am a mom to a nearly 5 year old, a maid, and a chef. We have two dogs and we also have a saltwater fish tank. When Johnny is out of town all of these things become my sole responsibility. I am also physically disabled and don't have my full drivers license yet. While this week has been rough I have been that super mom that I boast about. I was able to get up every morning and get myself, Isabella and two dogs ready for the day. I got Isabella to and from school, and dance classes, and get myself to and from work in between 9 and 3. After that it's dinner, dishes, bath, and bed for Bells and then the dogs need to go out again and fed before bed. While it's been a huge challenge with lots of obstacles I've learned a lot about myself this week and what I really am capable of!

Part 2 - Getting it back

I don’t have many friends, I could probably count them on one hand - and half of them are related to me. I just don’t make friends easily, or at least I don’t make good friends easily. I have plenty of great acquaintances, the girls I see at hockey, other moms I might smile at while waiting to pick up Isabella from school. I haven’t really spent time with any of them outside of those situations. When I see Bells though, she can make a friend in minutes. Upon arriving to school every day we head straight to the playground and immediately she has a mob of kindergartners following her around, hugging her, calling her name. She’s amazing, playing with everyone, kids from all walks of life, not a care in the world if they’re wealthy, well dressed, what nationality they are, or their gender. She openly accepts everyone and has become quite the “popular” kid. 
When did I lose that? When did it become a near anxiety attack to walk up to another parent and simply introduce myself? Is that something you can get back?

 

Part 1 - Here we go

When I started this blog, I wanted to share with you the daily struggle is it is to be a physically challenged mom. I also wanted to share all the great stuff too, all the things in my life that I’m proud of and all the things that make me happy. One of those things is my ability to blend in. It may be a big secret of mine, but I relish the fact that I don’t stand out. I am the kind of person who gets a small grin when plans get cancelled, or something happens and we suddenly can’t make it to something. It’s not that I don’t like being around people, I just prefer to be around my family at home watching a movie. I do end up having a great time when we do go out but it’s just getting over that hump of getting where we need to go that’s the problem.