Bones

For the last year and a half Bones has been Isabella’s favorite show. Yes... Bones; find a dead, usually decayed body at the beginning and solve the murder by the end of the show. Do I have a problem with her watching things like that? No. There is only one show that we won’t let her watch, and that's The Walking Dead. Nearly everything else (other than nudity) is fair game. We communicate, showing her behinds the scenes clips and explaining how they make dead bodies out of jello and plastic skeletons like in the doctor’s office, or putting food coloring in syrup to make blood. She’s never had nightmares over anything she sees and we make a point of explaining new things to her right away, like gun safety or language being unacceptable for a kid to use. She never repeats swear words and never gets upset about what she sees on TV. While we don’t put on HBO and let her have at it, she will come and sit with me when my shows are on. Communication is the key in a marriage and I feel it is just as important in parenting. Well there's that, and I don't always want to wait until it's late to watch my shows.

 

Believing

The Christmas season is upon us and like every year so many things have come up that have prevented us from saving for it, dog incidents here, unexpected landscaping there. We get into this rut every year, never getting each other a gift under the tree. We had such high expectations for this year but it’s one of those 2 steps, 1 step kind of situations. We always ensure that there are at least 2 presents under the tree for Isabella: one from us, and one from Santa. The Santa one is important to me, letting her have that magical belief one more year. We play along, writing a thank you note for the foccacia bread she left for Santa saying that Tanker came out and shared it with him (something he really would do). One year later and she smiles ear to ear when she talks about the note. They only believe for a small percentage of their lives so why not encourage it as long as we can?

Kissing Boo Boo's

When you’re 5 years old a kiss on a scrape can be a miracle cure. It’s only a matter of time before kisses from mom no longer work, but can that miracle cure really come back in your adulthood? My answer is yes, and as a matter of fact it’s completely reversed. On my most painful days when the thought of having to stand up from sitting is cry worthy I feel a small sense of relief when Isabella offers to hold my hand and “help” me stand up, or help me walk down the hall. I can’t say whether I really feel better, or if I’m just humbled by how caring she is? Whatever the reason the pain seems to ease that little bit when she does this. I don’t feel the need to cry when she offers a hug to help me feel better. It’s quite incredible really, how one year I’m kissing her scraped knee and the next she’s taking care of me. I like to brag all the time how great I am as a parent and how Isabella is such a good kid, but she’s so much more than that.

TLA (Three Letter Acronyms)

Today Isabella pulled a little purple card out of her backpack, a cute little thing with a nice happy face on it. When I asked her if she made it today she told me that a girl named Lily in her class had made it for her. “She’s my BFF... that means Best Friend Forever.” Wow. This is a 5 year old talking like that. It was in that moment the generation gap really hit me. While I was in the back yard making leaf houses at the age of 5, Isabella is using terms like BFF and talking in acronyms. I’m not concerned, but it seems odd to hear those words come out of a 5 year olds mouth. It really makes me think about how I want to educate her on social graces, if you will. I have heard kids saying things like “pics” which drives me nuts, the word is pictures and it really isn’t that hard to say. I know kids are quite different when they are around their friends versus parents but I think it’s all about finding a balance and about compromise. All I know is we are in for a very exciting future with her.

Parents who don't parent

Am I the only one who gets annoyed by other people's children? Surely I can't be. There's just something so incredibly annoying about kids who don't listen, or maybe it's the parents who don't parent. With Isabella in school, soccer, and dance we are always around kids, some are great, respectful, nice, well behaved and then it seems like there are even more of the opposite. These kids are rude, selfish, disrespectful little brats. These kids don't listen to the teacher, dance instructor, or coach over and over and the parents don't do a damn thing. Can you not see that your kid is completely disrupting the class/practice? To me this is unacceptable, and in my eyes you are failing as a parent. While I'm a firm believer in spanking, these kids clearly have no form of discipline. There are no boundaries, and no consequences for their actions. I may not be perfect but I must be doing something right if I have been told how great my kid is by her teacher, her coach, and her dance instructor. Apparently she is the best listener, she is respectful, she never does anything that she's not supposed to, and she's always happy. 

Part 9 - Loss, not lost

This past weekend my little family ventured out to Campbell River. Just for two days, but an adventure none the less. On our way home we drove right on past the Naniamo ferry terminal and kept on going until we hit Victoria. We stopped at the Royal Oak Memorial Park where we searched and searched through stone after stone, until we found the right one. For the first time I was standing at my Grandmother and Uncle’s headstone. It only took seconds before I was overcome with emotions. All at once I was sad, proud, and honoured to be a part of such a strong family. The dates are what hit me first. Eddie was only 8 years old when he drowned while on a family vacation in Saanich. 6 months later Nelda learned she was expecting baby number 6. Only 10 months after Marie was born Nelda passed away a few days after her 35^th birthday from stomach cancer. In less than 2 years my dad and his siblings had lost their oldest brother and their mother; my grandpa - his son and wife. I cannot even begin to imagine that kind of loss in such a short time, the strength that this family has is astounding. I felt a wave of pride as I thought of what Nelda would think now of her children, her grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. As I stood there looking at their little stone I thought about my aunts and uncles, about the legacy that she left behind. I can only hope that one day when I'm old and grey haired I can look back on my own life and family and be as proud of them as I felt she would be of hers today.

Part 8 - Doing it different

A friend asked me how my arthritis has affected my parenting and I had to think about it. There was certainly more of an affect early on as opposed to now. When Isabella was a baby we did things a little different, we did the partial cry-it-out method, not letting her cry in her crib for more than 5 minutes straight. I couldn't pick her up and put her down over and over so I just didn't. It only took a few nights of this before she slept straight through. I changed the crib to a daybed when she was only 18 months because I simply couldn't lift her out anymore; she seemed to stay in her bed all night so no issues there. I couldn't push a stroller past the age of 2 so that’s when she started walking everywhere. She never complained about being too tired to walk so we didn't have any issues there either. When I’m sore now we tend to watch a lot of movies together, or read books, or other things that aren't physically demanding. I like to give my two cents when people ask for advice but a lot of my parenting decisions are based on my own physical health. I have to remember this when I see 3 and 4 year old's in cribs and strollers. I haven’t used those in years but that was out of necessity, and while it's hard not to judge I find myself comparing my kid to others all the time. This is something I definitely have to work on.

Part 7 - Babies

Well Isabella turned 5 on the 26^th. At first I was thrilled that my little girl was growing up, but then the reality of our life right now set in. After nearly a year and a half of trying with no success I started worrying that she’ll be my only baby. I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet, but what if Isabella was a miracle baby and that’s it for us? I don’t know that I’d ever be able to accept that as a conclusion to our family. One kid: that seems outrageous to me coming from a family of 3 kids and growing up with dozens and dozens of cousins. The really hard part is when it seems like everyone around you is having babies. Family and friends all updating statuses on facebook about how far along they are, when they’re due, what symptoms they’re having. I sit at home and read these and feel guilty, angry at life, and sad. What if it’s Johnny? What if it’s me? What if it’s my meds or Arthritis? While I’m working hard on trying not to stress about it, another month goes by, and then another.

Part 6 - The great debate

I am a firm believer in spanking, and I will stand up and preach it until I’m blue in the face. Let’s get off on the right track though; there's a fine line between spanking and abusing. I can count the number of times I've had to spank Isabella by just using my hands (no toes needed). 
I have one of the most thoughtful, caring, kind, and respectful kids I know. I’m really not bragging but we are constantly told by other people how good she is. Upon picking her up from the Ikea play place I was told she was the most well behaved kid the lady had ever seen. Her teacher has also told us how well she’s doing at school, she always helps the other kids and never does anything she’s not supposed to. A friend and former nanny can’t get over how well behaved she is. I chalk this up to having such awesome parents... and to spanking! With a quick spank on the bum we have let her know that a behavior is either unacceptable or dangerous. It lets her know that we’re serious and that there are consequences for her actions. While we are pretty laid back parents and she does get away with A LOT, being disrespectful to anyone is a huge no no in our house. We have never let her get away with hitting, kicking, or screaming at anyone for any reason. While some may call me a bad mother for ever laying a hand to my child, others have offered to follow me around with a clipboard taking notes. All I need to do is spend 10 minutes with her to know that the way we parent has turned out an amazing little girl!

Part 5 - A little of me

Here’s a little about me... medically speaking. I have Polyarticular Rheumatoid Arthritis, the polyarticular is just a fancy way of saying that I have the disease in more than 5 joints. I actually have it in nearly every single joint though luckily not in my back. I was diagnosed when I was 10 years old after I had suffered the symptoms for the previous 2 years. I've lived every single day since then with moderate to severe pain.

I’m sure there are days when my husband feels more like a caregiver than anything else. I know this has to be frustrating at times for him, not fully understanding what’s happening to me on days when I can’t walk or dress myself. This is nothing new for me, waking up one day feeling like I can do anything and then waking up the next day asking my 4 year old to help me walk a few steps. I went through depression in high school, through the “why me” phase until I realized that there may never be a cure or amazing treatment in my lifetime. I have so many hopes for my life and I can’t let the pain ruin them. One of those hopes is for my family, to have my children, and for Johnny and I to get old together watching them grow.

Part 4 - Winning a losing battle

I read a little about Amanda Todd, a 15 year old girl who was cyber-stalked, and plain old fashion bullied by her peers. After posting a video on you tube about it she ending up taking her own life. My heart breaks for her and her family as I look at my own little girl. I think about our parenting style (which is very carefree). I hope that this gives us a mutual respect and understanding in life. I want Bells to understand that bullying is not tolerated and on the other end of that coin being bullied is just as unacceptable.  I hope that we raise her to continue to be that carefree spirit who stays as accepting as she is now. I hope that she continues to talk, some days it feels like she doesn't stop but this gives us a great glance as her personal life at school, at dance, at soccer, and at home. She always shares her feelings, and I hope that’s something that she always does. I don’t ever want her to feel embarrassed about seeking help. So far so good, but let’s hope more parents take action early on and nip this bullying this in the bud!

Part 3 - Supermom

This was a super rough week, with Johnny in Regina from Monday to Saturday I was super mom, although I’ll brag that I’m always super mom. I have 2 part time jobs, on top of my own home business. At home I am a mom to a nearly 5 year old, a maid, and a chef. We have two dogs and we also have a saltwater fish tank. When Johnny is out of town all of these things become my sole responsibility. I am also physically disabled and don't have my full drivers license yet. While this week has been rough I have been that super mom that I boast about. I was able to get up every morning and get myself, Isabella and two dogs ready for the day. I got Isabella to and from school, and dance classes, and get myself to and from work in between 9 and 3. After that it's dinner, dishes, bath, and bed for Bells and then the dogs need to go out again and fed before bed. While it's been a huge challenge with lots of obstacles I've learned a lot about myself this week and what I really am capable of!

Part 2 - Getting it back

I don’t have many friends, I could probably count them on one hand - and half of them are related to me. I just don’t make friends easily, or at least I don’t make good friends easily. I have plenty of great acquaintances, the girls I see at hockey, other moms I might smile at while waiting to pick up Isabella from school. I haven’t really spent time with any of them outside of those situations. When I see Bells though, she can make a friend in minutes. Upon arriving to school every day we head straight to the playground and immediately she has a mob of kindergartners following her around, hugging her, calling her name. She’s amazing, playing with everyone, kids from all walks of life, not a care in the world if they’re wealthy, well dressed, what nationality they are, or their gender. She openly accepts everyone and has become quite the “popular” kid. 
When did I lose that? When did it become a near anxiety attack to walk up to another parent and simply introduce myself? Is that something you can get back?

 

Part 1 - Here we go

When I started this blog, I wanted to share with you the daily struggle is it is to be a physically challenged mom. I also wanted to share all the great stuff too, all the things in my life that I’m proud of and all the things that make me happy. One of those things is my ability to blend in. It may be a big secret of mine, but I relish the fact that I don’t stand out. I am the kind of person who gets a small grin when plans get cancelled, or something happens and we suddenly can’t make it to something. It’s not that I don’t like being around people, I just prefer to be around my family at home watching a movie. I do end up having a great time when we do go out but it’s just getting over that hump of getting where we need to go that’s the problem.