The best role model

I am my daughters’ best role model, so I better start acting like it!

I’ve got lots of bits on my body that move independently from frame; I’ve got stretch marks and stained skin from my medication. I’m not fat per say, but I’m certainly not wearing single digit size clothes. I sometimes catch myself being self-criticizing in front of Isabella and I need to stop. We all should stop, every mother, aunt, grandma. We have this little girl in front of us just soaking in everything she hears. She’s going to grow up and be made fun of for something to do with her appearance. She’s going to feel less than her peers at some point in her life. She’s going to think she’s ugly by media standards and she’s definitely going to hate her hair.

This is inevitable, but I can lessen the blow for her.

I can be less criticizing of myself and encourage her to be comfortable in her own skin.

I can show her that beauty isn’t just on the outside.  

I CAN be her best role model.

My Mathlete

I hope my kid is a drama geek, or a mathlete! 

Bells is quite the social butterfly and I love how accepting she is of all other kids, but I don’t want the “popular girl” label for her... ever! Popularity is so overrated in school and amounts to nothing in the real world. I witnessed firsthand the difference it makes at my 10 year high school reunion. All the “unpopular” people offered to help out in any way they could while the “popular” ones just showed up for a party. They were used to everyone catering to them back in the day and it seems like they still are. I of course bragged about Bells, and my 2 home businesses, and 2 part time jobs. I bragged about my husband and our life together. I got the chance to catch up with several people I hadn’t seen in years.

The “popular” girls acted as though were still walking down the Pinetree halls, looking down on me and my “unpopular” friends. They didn’t engage in conversation with me as though I still had acne and was eating my French fries with extra gravy outside of the media arts room. Some even left their spouses at home and were seen dancing unacceptably close to an old high school flame. It was a real eye opener, and I don’t ever want Isabella to be like that!

That single girl

I have sympathy for that single girl in her mid 30’s. You know the one, who has to endure each and every holiday being asked over and over “When are you going to get married?” Each time she answers with “I haven’t found the right guy” a little piece of her heart breaks and she feels a little lonelier. Do her family and friends think that she hasn’t tried? Do they think love is something you pick up at the store? She’s gone on dates and she’s tried singles events but she just doesn’t seem to get that second or third date penciled in. She watches her nieces and nephews birthday’s fly by and the thought of not even having a man in her life weighs on her more and more. She smiles and tries to laugh it off when her grandma has “the talk” with her, saying that she won’t be around forever, as if somehow laying on the guilt will make her find Mr. Right. No one knows that she goes home alone and hurt. While she desperately wants to settle down she can’t make someone love her.

I feel for her because this is how I feel every time someone asks me when I’m going to have another baby.

I hate summer

I am not the biggest fan of summer. What? The Arthritic doesn’t like the dry hot weather? No. No I don’t, and it’s not about the weather. It’s challenging as a physically disabled parent all 365 days of the year. However during the summer months there is no school, no alone time for me to just sit and relax, pondering life if I want to. There is a lot of “Mom can we go bowling?” “Mom, can you play Barbie’s with me?” “I’m bored.” During summer months I go back to the pre school days of entertaining an only child. She has lost her routine, her socializing, her sports, and her dancing! I can’t criticize her for wanting to spend her whole day with me... it’s my own fault for not wanting to schedule play dates with other kids. Other kids, means other parents and I haven't found an adult socializing class yet!

Boring old me

I’m boring! I’ve come to this conclusion after the last week or so. Our beautiful city of Port Moody turned 100 and while the rest of the city partook in Centennial celebrations, we sat at home and did some gardening saying to ourselves... “Ehh, Golden Spike Days are coming up, we’ll go to that instead.” We did no research on when it was happening; we just knew it was in the summer. Low and behold it was on the Canada Day long weekend. There were events all over the city and then the festivities closed up with the Canada Day fireworks on Monday night. We didn’t go to a damn thing! Not one.

Where the hell did this lazy attitude come from? I used to love going to parades and city events. If this is what happens with 1 kid... we may never leave the house if we have another!

The Outcast and the Butterfly

Clearly Isabella isn’t the outcast, so that leaves me to fill in that role. I don’t have a whole lot in common with most moms my age. Most of them are into a completely different parenting role and we just aren’t compatible as close friends. Today (other than Johnny) it’s one of the guys from the office that I’ve had the most real and engaging conversations with, yet when I go for lunch with a group of them, I keep my mouth shut and am just the awkward one who just sits there eating quietly. I really feel like I haven’t got much to contribute the conversation and my fear of saying stupid comes out. I know this is probably counter-productive as I really do want those close friends; I’m just not sure how to make that happen. 

Do they have socialization classes for adults? I’d throw money at that in a heartbeat! 

10 ways you know you're the mom of a girl.

1. You can change Barbie's clothes with a blind fold on.
2. You have an unhealthy attraction to animated princes.
3. You aren't the only one screaming because there is a bee in the house.
4. There is a random Barbie accessory in your purse right now.
5. You have a preference on pretend tea party attendees.
6. You are commonly referred to as the queen or the wicked step-mother.
7. You can watch "Dance moms" and say to yourself: I get that.
8. You've uttered the words "Get that dress off the dog."
9. You find yourself hoping she grows faster so you have someone to watch chick flicks with.
10. Right from the moment you laid eyes on her you knew you had a princess.

Disappointment

I walked into Bells room the other day and found a lovely spot on the wall where she peeled off the paint. There is now a random white circle about the size of a soccer ball beside her bed. I was furious, livid, enraged, you name it. I didn’t yell, I didn’t scream, and I didn’t spank, I just got sad. I was sad. We spent a lot of time on her room and bought a random oops paint from the store. It took us a few weeks to get it all painted, trimmed, and set up. I was hurt that she would think that was a good idea and disappointed that she tried to hide it. I let her know how I felt and she cried and cried, and then she apologized to me. That was the end of it. She understood the feelings behind it, not just a time out and me yelling.

 

Odd Man Out

I tried today, I really tried, and failed miserably. I see these same PAC moms every day. For nearly 9 months we have been sitting at the school’s entrance together. Me... Them... we’re just sort of impartial, not avoiding each other nor going out of our way to talk either. But today I did it; I worked up the courage to jump into a conversation. You want to know what I learned. I learned that making friends is way harder than when you’re 5. I learned that rejection hurts... a lot. I learned that I’m nothing like most of the parents out there. Their kids all ran up to them, threw their backpacks at them and ran off. They were cold, sullen, and un-friendly kids.

I know my parenting style isn’t for everyone, but it works for me, and I would rather have no school mom friends than have my kid act like that!